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Other Movies Watching bad movies is a hobby of mine which doesn't measure up to my computernerd hobby, but it's not far from it either. Down here I've reviewed some of the coolest, worst, most amazing or plain ridiculous movies I've seen lately. I've picked them up at flea-markets, garage sales or videostore sell out's, so with a bit of luck you might find a cheap copy yourself. Enjoy! SKATE BOARD MADNESS I picked this one up at a fleamarket because it obviously had something to do with skateboards. I'm having a hard time keeping my balance as it is, so I never really got into actual skateboarding, though I really dig the late 70's and early 80's skateboard scene. Their relation to the punk, hardcore and the early rap scene, their clothes, their attitude and ofcourse the tricks they did were things I really respected. I had no idea of what this movie would be about, and kinda expected a pretty lame plot with some skateboarding kid as the main character. Well, I was right about the plot. Here it is: a photographer called Mello Cat gets a last chance to take decent pictures for an article, otherwise he's fired. To save his job, he goes out to take pictures of a skateboard contest. He misses it, but picks up a couple of skaters who were hitchhiking, and to make up for the photo's he missed they all take a road trip along "skate-able" places. They visit pools, skatehalls, gasstations, hotels, Cat's house and so on, while Mello Cat takes the pictures which eventually enable him to keep his job. End of story! So the plot is very weak, to say the least. And I don't think anybody in this movie is an actor - most of the time it even looks like a home-video of a bunch of skaters instead of a motion picture. But, does this movie suck? HELL NO!! The skateboard footage, the few attempts to keep up a story between the skateboard footage, the narration, the scenes, the people, the music, the clothes... this makes for probably the most atmospheric, "proffesional home-video"-feel, underground movie that I've ever seen about an early 80's subculture. The skaters performing the stunts are young snots who're just having the time of their lives, skating and at the same time being in a real movie! The narration is really funny, the scenes are sometimes so amateuristic or absurd - it's a real laugh. At the start of the film there's some weird clay-animation intro to the film, and there's an equally weird cartoon at the end of the movie as well. Well, if you're not interested in seeing a movie with a story, and you like skateboarding or a glimpse of an early 80's subculture, you should definately try to get this one! SIDE CAR RACERS I picked this one up because it had side-car motorcycles on the cover, it looked kinda Dukes Of Hazzard-ish and it had Ben Murphy from Alias Smith And Jones in it. When I bought it, I thought they meant the English comedians (from Alas Smith And Jones - just one letter different), but ofcourse this wasn't the case. Anyway, I like any loud and dirty vehicle, be it motorcycles, cars or Vespa scooters, so I thought I'd give it a shot anyway. The story is about a guy who's the world champion surfing (or something) but retired from surfing to search for another challenge. He gets involved with side-car racing, and because he's such a good athlete (his surfing helps him with his balance) he gets the hang of it pretty quickly. He and his partner (who drives the motorcycle) get through all the trouble a beginning side-car racing team has and become quite good friends. A girl is involved as well, to keep everything even more interesting. To be honest, the storyline is a bit basic and won't satisfy a serious movie watchin' person. It's just okay. But the really cool part of this movie is the huge amount of racing footage. You'll see it all, and DAMN they go fast at times! This is no studio-recorded, computer-enhanced "ooh, looky how fast they go" Hollywood-stuff, this is realtime hardcore racing! I bet they broke quite a few camera's, and perhaps a couple of bones, during the shooting of the racing footage. Just imagine a real, dirt-track side-car race, only with a professional film-crew shooting instead of a lame local sportschannel. Try to get a hold of this one if you can dig speedway, dirt-track and whatever sports with really fast, dirty and mean machines! ACES GO PLACES The cover looked kinda cool, with motorcycles and stunts and stuff, so I picked it up at a garage sale, not knowing what to expect. Well, the story goes something like this: a couple of diamonds are stolen in Hong Kong, where they end up with a Jackie Chan-like character (at least, I think that's how it went). A gang of criminals wants these diamonds, as well as an US detective named Filthy Harry. Lots of action, chases, fights and stunts later, the movie ends and I still kinda missed whatever happened to the diamonds. Or the plot, for that matter. Doesn't matter - this movie's only good point is the action, and that's kinda alright! Just imagine a cheap Jackie Chan movie with a little bit of Power Rangers, Bud Spencer and Dukes Of Hazzard-like action, have it being dubbed by some cheap actors and you've got the B-film that Aces Go Places is! It's got cheezy humor (check out the way they taking a piss on Dirty Harry) and thanks to the high amount of action and fighting with Asian guys, you inevetably have to think of a Jackie Chan movie. Lots of stunts and chases, and pretty entertaining ones I might add, cool motorcycles and robots in pure Power Ranger/Godzilla style, and corny humor will make sure you'll be entertained by this movie if you like B-films! GORATH The Dutch cover of the video said "New planet threatens our earth!" and it looked so sci-fi pulpy, I just had to take this one home. And it turned out it was as sci-fi pulpy as it gets! An astroid is on its way to crash into earth, destroying our planet at once. Now, this is a Japanese movie (well, Asian at least) so this time it's Japan who has to save the day. The usual stuff is tried to avoid the disaster, but everything fails and the world is getting more desperate every hour. By this time you've seen some really cool and funny "hi-tech" space equiptment, rockets and shots of space (with a classic high-pitched "space hum" whenever the astroid is filmed), but the good stuff still has to come. In their (idea to) attempt to push the astroid out of earth's way fails, the scientists come up with the idea of pushing the earth out of the way of the astroid. Ha! Why didn't they think of it before. Now the good stuff starts: the world unites, and all the major countries stick rockets upside-down in the north (or south) pole, so they can create enough power to push the earth aside. The whole thing is just amazining: nothing makes sense! They build this huge engine in an absurd short time and there's a million questions unanswered. Like: how did they get all the stuff there? The rockets, the materials, the tools, the fuel, the men? And what would the effect be on the earth when the whole north (or south) pole is blazing with a giant rocket engine? Would just 10 seconds of this toxicate all the earth's air? Or raise the earths temperature by a lot of degrees? Anyway, despite the fact this is ultra-impossible, they go ahead and fire the superrocket's engine. Wahey! It works! Even more stuff to laugh about: when the rocket engines are filmed from nearby, the exhaust flames look like flames from a candle, or a lighter, while when they film the earth moving through space, it suddenly is an enormous white rocket flame. That is just SO cool! Definately see this one if you wanna have a good laugh and like sci-fi stuff!
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